Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
