It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
