So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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