She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
