the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you inspire me to be a worse person
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
