i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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