he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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