I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
