The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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