If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
