Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
