I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
