Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
