I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
