At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
