cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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