Plan B is the new Plan A
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
