Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize