Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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