I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
