Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Say something about gay babies.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize