Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
