Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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