So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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