I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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