So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
