So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry about my life...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
