I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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