Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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