i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
