I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
