i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
