Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
