it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
