It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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