I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize