oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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