Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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