Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
