my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
