just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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