Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
