i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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