Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
