you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i think i just lost a toe
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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