Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
