so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
