people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think my moral compass just broke
God I need to hump something, right now.
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