I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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