im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
