I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
