This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
