I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
