Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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