Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
