Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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