If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
