in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
