it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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