Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
