Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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