i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
