Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
