I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
