I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
