She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
