someone threw a dead crab at me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
