i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
