Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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