i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
