real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
