The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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