Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk is not a location!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
