Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
