I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
