don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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